dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
