my vag is so smooth its legendary
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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