It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
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Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
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the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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