if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
