She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
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I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
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I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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