'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
