C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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