the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
