captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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