I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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