I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
