My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
they're like a gay fantastic four
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
