We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
