its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
