There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
