Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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