when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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