why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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