Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize