i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
