hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
