Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
this is an emotional support booty call
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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