New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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