I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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