Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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