There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
zippers are such a cool invention
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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