Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I will pee on everything he values.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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