tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
