The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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