They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
