Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
