She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
