How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You did what with his pubic hair?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
