why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
