I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
