youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
