physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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