Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
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My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
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I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
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