Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
