She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
