Your face is a jimmy john
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
