It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
