I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I believe in your delicious
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
