i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
