I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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