Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
