My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
When are your genitals available?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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