Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
