SEEEEXXX PLEASE
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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