I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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