nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
