She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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