I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize