I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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