I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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