in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
