just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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