sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
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That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
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From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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