I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
