he wants to bone in the snuggie
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
