guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
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He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
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You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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