Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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